Part Two: Why Stillness Feels Hard
🌿 Finding Safety in Stillness: A Polyvagal Series
So many of us long for calm — yet when we finally slow down, we sometimes feel restless, uneasy, or even unsafe. Why does stillness feel so hard? Why does our inner voice tell us we are not enough in these moments?
This series, Finding Safety in Stillness, explores those questions through the lens of Polyvagal Theory — the science of how our nervous system shapes our sense of safety, connection, and rest.
Each post offers gentle reflections and practical ways to listen to your body’s cues, honor its wisdom, and create moments of safe stillness in your everyday life.
Informed by the work of Deb Dana, LCSW and Dr. Stephen Porges, this series invites you to move at your own pace, noticing glimmers of safety and celebrating small moments along the way.
Part Two: Why Stillness Feels Hard
Do you find that slowing down doesn’t immediately bring you peace? It FEELS uncomfortable. Do you notice that you get restless, your thoughts begin to rush in, tension builds in your chest, and you realize that your to-do list is encroaching on you - willing you to get moving?
Your body is doing what it learned to do to keep you safe.
When we look through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, stillness becomes more than a moment of inactivity — it becomes a moment where our nervous system has fewer distractions. Without movement, our internal world becomes louder and more noticeable. That can feel vulnerable, scary even.
Your Nervous System Has a History
Each of us has a unique “autonomic story” — a map shaped by our experiences, relationships, and environments. If stillness was associated with danger, unpredictability, criticism, or loneliness, your body may stay on alert to protect you.
Even today, when you try to rest, your sympathetic system might surge with energy (“Do something!”), or your dorsal system might pull you into shutdown (“This is too much.”).
This isn’t a flaw. It’s wisdom — your body’s attempt to keep you safe based on what it has known.
Survival Mode in Stillness
In moments of stillness, the nervous system scans for cues:
Is it safe to stop?
Is it safe to be still?
Is it safe to remain quiet?
When the answer feels like “no,” the body may respond with:
Mobilization: restlessness, fidgeting, racing thoughts
Hypervigilance: scanning, waiting for something to go wrong
Shutdown: heaviness, disconnection, numbness
These survival responses are not failures. They are biological patterns meant to protect.
Stillness Can Become Safe — Slowly
Rather than forcing calm, we can approach stillness with curiosity. Small, gentle practices invite the nervous system to feel safer a little at a time.
Try choosing micro-moments:
A 5-second exhale
Noticing one “glimmer” (a calming presence of a pet, soft blanket, warm beverage)
Relaxing your jaw by 10%
Placing a supportive hand on your chest
Looking around the room for a comforting object
Think about a hobby you enjoy. . .
These moments are puzzle pieces. Eventually, they form a picture of safety your body can trust.
Reflection Questions
What happens inside you when things get quiet?
Where in your body do you first notice discomfort?
What helps you feel 10% safer in a moment of stillness?
Where can you go that feels like a safe space - even just for a moment?
Your nervous system is not resisting you — it is inviting you to understand it. The more time you spend spotting the cues of safety (and danger), the easier it will become to find inner stillness, peace, or grounding - even in moments of chaos.
Thank you for being here today! I hope Part Two helps you look at your internal world with more compassion and curiosity.
Janaya Andrews, RCC, MACP
Acknowledgement & Citation
This post is informed by material from the training
“Polyvagal Theory: Pathways to Stillness” presented by Deb Dana, LCSW, through PESI, Inc. (2025). Deb Dana is the author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation (W. W. Norton, 2018) and related works that apply Polyvagal Theory to clinical practice.
For more on her work, visit rhythmofregulation.com or polyvagalinstitute.org.
