Part One: The Science of Feeling Safe
🌿 Finding Safety in Stillness: A Polyvagal Series
So many of us long for calm — yet when we finally slow down, we sometimes feel restless, uneasy, or even unsafe. Why does stillness feel so hard? Why does our inner voice tell us we are not enough in these moments?
This series, Finding Safety in Stillness, explores those questions through the lens of Polyvagal Theory — the science of how our nervous system shapes our sense of safety, connection, and rest.
Each post offers gentle reflections and practical ways to listen to your body’s cues, honor its wisdom, and create moments of safe stillness in your everyday life.
Informed by the work of Deb Dana, LCSW and Dr. Stephen Porges, this series invites you to move at your own pace, noticing glimmers of safety and celebrating small moments along the way.
Part One: The Science of Feeling Safe
Have you ever tried to relax — only to feel restless, uneasy, or even anxious?
You’re not alone.
For many of us, stillness doesn’t feel safe. Our bodies are wired to stay alert, to keep moving, to do. Yet stillness is essential to our well-being — it’s where we rest, digest, and reconnect with ourselves and others.
“The science of connection is the science of feeling safe enough to fall in love with life.” – Deb Dana
The words Polyvagal Theory may appear intimidating at first, but it essentially helps us understand why relaxation can feel uncomfortable, even threatening. This blog series will offer how we can gently tune into our nervous system — to hear what it has to say & to find a pathway forward into safety. Let’s begin to put the puzzle pieces together. . .
How do the body & brain communicate?
The nervous system searches for cues of safety and danger — in our environment, in other people, and even inside ourselves. It may notice your cozy blanket as a cue for safety, but it may also recognize the danger of unread messages waiting on your phone. As you look around in your space, as you read this, what do you see or sense that offers safety?
What could be a cue for danger?
[Perhaps it is the storm outside that threatens our power lines, or maybe it is the internal sense of hunger that is slowly building up.]
Our body utilizes something called neuroception — an autonomic intuition that detects these signals below conscious awareness. It’s different from perception. Neuroception helps us know, without thinking, whether we’re safe enough to connect or need to protect.
When cues of safety outweigh cues of danger, our body relaxes, and new possibilities open up. When danger outweighs safety, our body protects us through survival responses like fight, flight, or freeze.
The Three States of the Nervous System
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Calm, open, creative, compassionate, connected — this is our state of homeostasis, where health and growth occur.
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Energized, focused, or anxious — this system helps us move through the world & through our daily life, but in survival mode it becomes fight-or-flight.
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Quiet, disconnected, or numb — helpful for rest and digestion, but in survival mode, it becomes shutdown or despair.
We move between these states all the time. The goal isn’t to stay in one state forever but to develop flexibility — to move between states and find our way home to safety. All of these states provide value when in moderation. Ventral encourages us to be creative & hopeful, sympathetic gives us the energy to move our bodies, and dorsal allows us to restore and recharge. It is when we are in survival mode that the latter can become overwhelming — when sympathetic energy turns into panic or agitation, or dorsal withdrawal becomes numbness and disconnection. In those moments, our nervous system isn’t failing; it’s doing its best to protect us. With awareness and support, we can begin to recognize these patterns, thank our body for trying to keep us safe, and gently guide ourselves back toward balance and connection.
Just like the pieces of a puzzle, our nervous system’s states — ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal — all have their place. When we understand how they fit together, we can begin to see the bigger picture of our well-being.
Co-Regulation: Healing Through Connection
Our nervous systems don’t regulate in isolation.
From the moment we’re born, we rely on connection to survive — and throughout life, we need connection to thrive. Trauma, as Dr. Porges describes, is “a chronic disruption of connection.”
Healing begins when we find safe relationships where our nervous system can relax and become comfortable with feeling safety. In therapy, this often looks like shared stillness, gentle presence, and attuned listening — the nervous systems of two people finding rhythm together.
A “glimmer” is a word to describe those tiny moments of ventral safety — the opposite of a trigger.
It might be a deep breath, a bird’s song, the warmth of a cup of tea, or the quiet joy of noticing you’re okay for a moment.
Each glimmer matters. Every time you notice safety, your nervous system learns a new story: Stillness can be safe.
Take a moment to notice your own nervous system right now…
Is it energized, calm, or tired?
What could you do right now to feel a little more grounded? Could you be even 10% more comfortable if you shifted your body slightly? Could you light a candle for a calming scent? Open a window to hear the pitter patter of the rain outside? Or could you reach up and stretch your arms out tall? Is there an animal that you could pet?
Every time we experience a moment of safe stillness, our nervous system learns a new story — one of safety, connection, and hope.
My hope is that this blog post offered something meaningful for you! Thank you for spending your time here.
I wish you the best today & always!
Janaya Andrews, RCC, MACP
Acknowledgement & Citation
This post is informed by material from the training
“Polyvagal Theory: Pathways to Stillness” presented by Deb Dana, LCSW, through PESI, Inc. (2025). Deb Dana is the author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation (W. W. Norton, 2018) and related works that apply Polyvagal Theory to clinical practice.
For more on her work, visit rhythmofregulation.com or polyvagalinstitute.org.
